Overheard in Runyon Canyon

Runyon Canyon is a gorgeous hike overlooking Hollywood that feels more like a velvet roped club.  It’s where LA goes when it can’t get enough LA, a nature hike to see and be seen. A nature hike. Only in LA could a wilderness experience be an overcrowded, eye-roving  industry scene.  Think angry white people looking for parking, a never-ending, ant-like progression of entertainment industry wannabes, and graffiti scratched into the leaves of succulents.  Welcome to Runyon CanyonOnce you’ve completed the two mile trek from your parking space to the trail head,  the overpowering smell hits you.  Is it the ink of freshly printed scripts in studio executives’ back pockets?  The suntan oil of potential actors/escorts shirtless or in bikinis?  No. It’s the overwhelming stench of dog shit.  Who knew that a collection of dogs whose combined weight veers around the 50 pounds mark could produce such an output?  Here’s a collection of our favorite overheard snippets of dialogue…

“If I’m telling a story and it’s bombing, I throw in ‘And then I found 20 dollars.’  I’m telling you, suddenly everyone’s all interested.”

“On line dating is like my second job right now.”

“If you really can’t do anything in life, you have a nut allergy.”

“On the back of the toilet there were somebody’s leftovers, so I snorted it.  I had a sinus infection for two weeks!  It could have been fucking Ajax or something.”

“Seriously, seriously, a guy with twenty seven guitars and a stripper pole in his house is not what I need right now.”

“Do you want to do the hard hike or the hard hard?”

“Mormons, I mean who fucking knows with them?  If a mormon is gay in the forest, does anybody hear it?”

“My tax lady used to work for the IRS so she’s way too honest.”

“The Gaysians are taking all of my parts.”

“Mark, should I go back and get my iPod, cause we would probably have a better hike that way.”

“How can you live with yourself knowing that thing on your face is called a handlebar mustache?”

“Why do we use that word to describe weakness?  My pussy is strong.”

“Of all the mashugana ideas . . .”

“If I was going to read on a hike I definitely wouldn’t pick “Kaviar and Kind.”

“Oh look, you picked flowers for your girlfriend.  WHAT DID YOU DO??”

“I caught this other girl’s eye at a club and she smiled at me.  She actually smiled at me!  It was really weird.”

“Hey man, how many days are in April?”

–Emily Bergl